Happy Birthday

Today, May 10th 2005, is my Dad's birthday. He would have been 65 this year. Tonight I honored his memory by watching a dvd of his funeral proceedings. I was at the event, but I hadn't watched the dvd yet....it's almost been a year. I pretty much watched it in stunned silence. I was humbled by the amount of people that came to pay respects (and this isn't even including all the people who showed up at the Legion to pay tribute). My Dad touched a lot of lives in his time, and I can only hope that I've done the same. He was a special man to a variety of people for just a large variety of reasons. I saw his relationship with others only in bits and pieces, but what I saw was a lot of great friends. Some of my best memories were made sitting on his front porch, just listening to the stories that he and his friends told. I one day hope to share that type of experience with my son or daughter (although up to a certain age the stories will have to be PG-13). I also hope that the same people that helped form, share, and carry on my stories will be there (to protect the not-so-innocent they shall remain unnamed...but you know who you are). I wish most of you had the chance to know him as I did. He truly was a man with a great sense of humor. He also was a walking encyclopedia. Not only that, he had a point of view that was very worldly and matter-of-fact. My biggest regret was not digesting the information that was given to me in my teenage years (alas, that is the cliche curse of puberty.....the young always know better than the old). Unfortunately, I didn't take the time to know my Dad as much as I should, we were very different people. My Dad and I didn't have that much in common, he was a much better man than I. However, there are some traits that he and I share that I am grateful for, be it inherited or learned (frankly, I don't know which it is). The first is honesty, I've heard over and over that my Dad's word was his bond.....and I truely believe it was. I'd like to think I follow in his footsteps where this is concerned. It is perhaps the greatest trait that I admired in my Dad, but I don't think it was this admiration that caused me to be this way....it's not something I tried to be, it's just something I am. The second is frankness (if that's even a word). My Dad was never afraid to speak his mind, and most of the time people valued his opinion, even if they didn't like what he said. I'm sure that I don't live up to his legacy in this respect, I'm perhaps too mindful of hurting other people's feelings. But, when the chips are down, I say what I believe. The third is a sense of humor, my Dad had a very strange, but broad sense of humor. I'm sure that I've inherited this aspect of my personality....there is no other explanation. Often we would sit around and exchange jokes and barbs and the resemblance was absolutely uncanny. Frankly speaking (pun intended) we are both sick, twisted fucks. The amazing thing is that although my Dad told really, really off color humor....it always made people laugh. You would be surprised at his repetoire of dirty jokes....they would make a hooker blush. Anyway, as I ramble on, I just wanted people that didn't know my Dad to get a sense of who he was. Although we weren't that close, I always admired and respected the man that he was, even when I disagreed with him. Tonight, I raise a glass of bourbon in his honor. I emplore those that read this over the next few days to pour a glass of bourbon; find a quiet place to be, whether outdoors or in, and toast those who you love-whether the are still with us or not. I hope this simple reflection will reaffirm the love you have for someone, or makes you appreciate someone that may have been neglected. I know I'll be toasting many people tonight, but most of all....my Dad. I miss the fuck out of him.
I love you Dad....always have.....always will.
-J