Sickening tales from the world of medicine

Hi Everybody!!!!
......hi Dr. Nick

Today's post is about reason #115 why I hate my job. That reason....fat people that need back braces. Case in point....I fit a 250 lbs woman with back brace in my office the other day. Now, she was pre-surgery and the brace was easy to get on her standing up, it was one piece plastic that opened in the front. Now, I didn't think about the fact that she would be in the hospital for a week or two after surgery. I surely didn't think that I would ever have to see her again. How wrong I was. Earlier in the week I was called up to her hospital room to help the nurse get the brace on (which they should have been able to do by themselves mind you). So, I go up there. I had no idea how hard it is to get a one piece brace around a monstrous fleshy body. One nurse and I wrestled this brace onto this woman like Macho Man Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan going up against Andre the Giant in a cage match....it wasn't pretty. It took us about 30 minutes to get it in place. I was exhausted afterwards. Later that night, I wondered why my back was hurting...then I remembered....oh yeah, I had to throw my whole weight into getting that damn brace on. Oh my brothers, viddy well...the story does not end there. This weekend I had to make her a new brace that was 2 pieces so that it would be easier for the nurses to get it on her. I go to fit her with it today. It was much easier. Then, one nurse and I sat the patient up and transfered her to a wheelchair. Well, the patient was weak and we had to huff and puff and support 250 pounds of mostly dead weight. I wasn't thinking it would be a big deal, so I didn't have latex gloves on. We get her standing up, with the nurse supporting the upper body and me holding the wheelchair and trying to pivot the woman so that she could sit down. I ended up grabbing the bottom of the back of the brace to support her. BIG MISTAKE! So there I am, with no gloves on and my hand touching the fleshiness of her bare ass, just inches from the crack and what happens? The woman starts farting uncontrollably!! Now, I couldn't very well let go, so I just stood there and felt the warm freeze of her farts drift over my bare hands like a lover's sigh. It was horrible...I kept thinking....just don't shart...just don't shart. I think I may have even thrown up in my mouth a little bit. Anyway, we get her seated and I immediately wash my hands for like 20 minutes, shuddering and thinking "so unclean, so unclean". It's the kind of nightmare that causes post traumatic stress disorder. Well, I hope you all enjoyed that little anecdote. Who's hungry?
-J