whaaa?

epic fail

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcujGqRiNvE&eurl=http://failblog.org/&feature=player_embedded

return of the prodigal son

Hello, I'm back.

I just had to pee for a very long time....like a year or so. These trying times find your humble narrator in John Asguaga's Nugget in lovely Reno Nevada. I've been here since Tuesday and can't wait to get out of here. I'm at an educational conference composed of 900 of my least closest friends. Nobody is talking to me except the people I work with. I've already lost 70 bucks and gambling is holding no interest at all. I've been in bed by 9pm and 11pm consecutive days. The classes are interesting and I'm learning a lot that I didn't already know. It's the in between times that are killing me. Perhaps I should make them relaxing times with Santori. Right now, I'm listening to a really shitty cover band play the lame ass hits from the 70's, anxiously awaiting the opening of the bar in 5 minutes. I think they are going to have the same amputee/disabled fashion show as two years ago. For a more thorough accounting, see my post "Fear and Loathing in Reno" from precisely 2 years ago. This year will be different though. This year I'm going to win the free laptop in the raffle come hell or high water. Wish me luck.

Keeping my head down....

-J

just because....

A little beauty in a fucked up world.....enjoy.

Ninja Frog

I was out having a smoke on my deck the other day and saw a damn ninja frog stealthily observing my kitchen from the window. I'm pretty sure he was eyeing my temporary insanity hot sauce that I got from Sean. Not a chance frog! That bottle of liquid fire is mine and mine alone! The crazy thing is that the window is a good 20 feet from the ground. He must have used his ninja hand spikes to scale the wall.

Been Busy

It's been awhile since I've posted anything but I have a good excuse. I've been busy as hell. Springtime has brought a lot of renovations to my house/yard. The kitchen has a fresh coat of paint and is the last of the major indoor painting for awhile. We are soon going to get a new sink and countertops. Hooray for getting rid of the 70's style, although the octogon shall remain to remind me of this house's roots. My mom came down and spent 4 solid days helping to plant a flower garden. It's almost done, I'm going to add some rocks/bricks to the front to create a line and then may put rockwork amongst the flowers. We also planted a maple tree in the backyard. The next big project was repainting the deck. As you can see from the before pictures, it was a mess. This project was a royal pain in the ass. We primed and painted the entire deck. The decorative strips on the ceiling all had to come down for painting. There were 37 pieces and putting them up was like working on a puzzle. Jade and I spent a week and a half straight working on it. We probably put in 60 man hours total. I still have the lattice work to put up. When it's all said and done, were going to have a bbq/washers party. Here are some before and after pics.

The saddest thing....you'll ever see....

This has to be the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. Who in the world thought that this would be a good idea, let alone funny? There should be a law against middle aged white people trying to act black. I feel sorry for the lone black guy on stage. I wonder what he's thinking during all of this? Probably laughing his ass off. I know I did. Enjoy.

sad kermit doing "hurt"

This is hilarious, but also really sad. I had never paid that much attention to all the lyrics until I heard Kermit's bittersweet voice singing it. Kudos to whomever made this, top notch creativity.

back from the dead

Hi everyone,

Let me express my profound apologies for being an extremely lazy ass. I haven't been inspired to write anything for weeks. I'm still not, but I thought I would give it a stab. So, today I offered up two rants.

Rant #1 St. Patrick's Day

Okay, I know this isn't really a timely topic anymore, but damnit, I got somthing to say. Jade and I went to the Kansas City Parade, which was lots of fun last time I went. This time....not so much. Apparently in years past there had been a lot of drunkeness (duh) and unfortunately violence. So, this year was basically St. Paddy's on lockdown. For one, you couldn't drink on the street. There was a 250 dollar fine for open containers (jesus!). This wouldn't have been so bad if there were beer tents, but there were none. You could drink in a bar, but not take it outside. Secondly, the parade felt like a police state. There were cops on foot, narc agents, cops on atvs, cops on horseback, cops in cars, and helicopters. I had a flask with me but was to scared to open it because there were 3 cops in view during the whole parade. The narc agents were the worst. They were dressed head to toe in black with jackboots. They looked like some kind of Americanized version of the SS. Most of them looked much to eager to beat the shit out of someone that looked at them funny. So, needless to say it was a bummer. The worst part was that this type of atmosphere really subdued the joy of the parade. There was nobody hooting and hollerin like years past. Everyone stood in their spots solemnly and would occaisionally clap as a float went by. The lack of alchohol took all the passion and spontenaity out of the crowd. I won't be coming back anytime soon.

Rant #2 Tipping

Okay, I'm usually a very generous tipper. I tip 20% standard at restaurants, unless the service is really shitty. Even then I still tip over 10%. When I'm at a bar I usually tip a buck every time I get a drink, more for a good healthy glass of hard liqour. Sometimes it's more than that because bars "convieniently" charge 50 to 75 cents over a dollar on every drink to make you give that extra quarter or so along with your regular tip. Last time I was at a bar I had to wait (at an empty bar mind you) while the bartender had a 5-10 mintue conversation with someone there (I was staring her down the whole time, by the way). The messed up thing is that I still tipped her so she wouldn't think I was an ass. That same night I thought about how many patrons there are per bar, plus how many drinks they may buy on average. Basically, bartenders and waitresses are making money hand over fist. That was disgusting, but what I found out later was much worse. I spoke with my secretary, who used to be a bartender. She says that they made on average 25 bucks or more an hour. She also said that they only have to report tips up to minimum wage. So, not only are they making a shitload of money without an education, they don't even have to pay their fair amount of tax on it unless they choose to (guess how many probably "choose" to report the extra income....my guess is 0%). Also, it's not necessarily even a full time job. So, here I am busting my ass daily to make a living and I'm giving it over readily to someone who really is just popping the top on a beer bottle. On that note, I'm through with being generous. I'll still tip (damn the world...it's expected), but it will be on a significantly smaller scale. What I'd really like to see is for everyone to stop tipping so bars/restaurants will be forced to pay their workers a fair wage rather than stuffing all that money from my 10$ burger and fries or 4 dollar beer into their greedy little pockets.

That is all.

Oh yeah, can somebody tell me how to post a video I found online? It will be the subject of my next post but I don't know how to do it.

Coming soon to a theater near you

This weekend was the True False film festival. It started Thursday night and went on till Sunday night. We did the right thing this year and got an all access pass instead of individual tickets. This allowed us to pick out our movies before the general public could which meant we got to see everything we wanted, plus didn't have to wait in line. Here's a quick review of what we saw.

The Falling Man: This documentary was about the picture of a man who jumped from the World Trade Center. The picture was ran once in a newspaper on September 12th, and never printed again. The movie followed the film maker in trying to track down the identity of this person. Overall, a pretty good movie but a little slow.

In the Shadow of the Moon: This was one of the best. It chronicles the race to get to the moon in the 60's and has interviews with many of the astronauts that went. The interviews provide a lot of background info and experiences that aren't well known. The best thing about this film is that it really exemplifies the can-do spirit and optimism of America at this time. It's just what this country needs right now. Also, the cinematography was gorgeous. It won the audience best picture at Sundance this year and will probably get wide spread release, so look for it in theatres and video stores.

Banished: This one folllowed the story of some black people whose ancestors were violently driven out of town in Alabama, Arkansas, and Missouri around the turn of the century. The subjects of the film were trying to get their land back, get reparations, etc. A dark period of our American history, but once reparations came into it I lost interest.

Radiant City: Probably my first or second favorite movie, and we didn't even get to sit through all of it. It tells the story of suburban sprawl in Canada by following a family that lives in a very cookie-cutter bland suburb. Basically the film postulates that we lose our interconnectedness when we partition ourselves into solitary homes. It also talks about how it's silly that we have to drive one place to get fuel, another to shop, and yet another to get groceries...and that they are so far apart. It sounds like a downer, but the film was presented in a quirky, satirical style...not heavy handed at all. It reminded me of last year's movie This Film is Not Yet Rated.

Manufactured Landscapes: This was my absolutely least favorite movie. We left Radiant City to get to this one on time and I regret that. It was a documentary about some photographer that takes ghostlike pictures of coal mines, large factories, landfills, etc. Extremely boring with very little dialogue. The photography was excellent though.

The Third Monday in October: This was also up there for best film for me. It chronicled the class president election process in 4 different middle schools. This movie basically drops you right back into 8th grade, with all the awkwardness and sillines that it was. Very real portrayal of life at that age. It made me feel like a kid again, which is always good.

About a Son: I have mixed feelings about this one. It was basically an audio track of Kurt Cobain describing his upbringing and how he got into music. It was just Kurt Cobain talking for an hour and a half. The video was clips of areas around Washington State where he grew up. There was also some footage of people and bands and city life, but no Nirvana footage or songs...which actually enhanced the movie. The cinematography was beautiful. I found that this movie strips away preconceived notions about the man. He's not the voice of our generation, he's not constantly depressed, he's not a complete junkie, he's not full of himself....he's just an average guy.

Raders of the Lost Ark: This movie was freakin hilarious. It's a home movie that a couple of kids and their friends shot over 7 years in the 1980's. The cool thing is that they were obsessed with Raiders of the Lost Ark and set out to recreate it.....literally shot for shot. They did an amazing job....the timing, the dialogue, the camera angle......all of it was excactly as it was in the blockbuster movie. The only difference is that the actors are all kids age 8 to 16, who can't act worth shit. They even had special effects to recreate the fire in the bar scene, the faces melting, the egyptian tomb, and even the red line racing along a map as they travel. The only thing left out was the monkey (they replaced it with a small dog), and the airplane fight scene (just too dangerous to do). Afterwards, the actors took questions from the audience. The things they did would make their parents absolutely murder them. For example, the fire in the bar scene was filmed with real fire and no supervision......in the basement of their house! If this ever is publicly released (doubtful), try to catch it.

American Shopper: This film was shot in Columbia with local people. Basically, a guy comes to town and wants to use Schnuck's grocery store for a new sport called "Aisling". The sport consists of tricking out a grocery cart and racing to collect grocery items in a certain amount of time. Oh yeah, you are also judged on creative dance moves. The film follows a group of about 10 Columbians as they prepare for the event. This was a gimmicky movie, as people really liked the whole "I know that guy" factor. Other than that, the movie was fair at best. It was pretty funny though. The guy that won did a Star Trek theme complete with music.

Overall, it was a really good festival. The only downside was that it was freezing most of the weekend. We also went to 2 receptions and 2 concerts. As always, in between movies there was live music and at the end of films the directors would take questions. Needless to say, I'm completely exhausted today. Oh yeah, the picture at the top of this is the poster for the festival. I failed to steal one while I was downtown, but it would look really good framed.

Another Geek Post

For those Star Wars fans out there if you haven't seen the clone wars cartoon yet, do so immediately. I'd been meaning to watch them for a long time now. I finally got around to picking up the discs. Basically, the two volumes bridge the gap between episodes 2 and 3. They were hella cool. Most of the stories don't have much dialogue, but are packed with action. The use of the force in these makes the movies seem weak by comparison. I think my favorite was Mace Windu vs. about 1000 battle droids. The series also introduces a new Sith villain pictured here and General Grievious. The fight scenes with Grievious are superbly animated. Best of all, Anakin doesn't act like such a whiny brat. Even Count Dooku, who I thought was lame in the movies, is actually pretty bad ass.