Theory: Home Depot is another universe

Evening y'all,

Good news...I closed on my house yesterday. It ended up costing less than I expected, so that was nice. Jade and I spent most of yesterday afternoon and night cleaning like crazy. Most of the basics got done: fridge, sinks, toilets, killing wasps, and hot tub. I came home and felt extremely strange. I felt like I was out of my head, yet had a massive headache. I think I breathed waaaaaay to much cleaning fumes. Which brings us to today. Today was my first trip to Home Depot...probably one of many to come. That place exists in another dimension. The automatic doors are a wormhole. It's the only way I can explain the size of that place, I'm positive that it has more square footage than the surface of the Earth. Therefore, it is another world in an alternate dimension. I was completely lost in there. Even the signs didn't help much. I searched about 4-5 rows of lamps and lights before I found the lightbulbs. We bought some basics: lightbulbs, garden hose, ladder, doorknob, universal remote for garage, closet clothesline, and some other stuff. I could see how it would be easy to spend thousands of dollars in that place, it has it all. Everything except mini-blinds it seems. I expected to see a lot of variety. Well, they had variety, but it was all custom to order. The only blinds they had that were standard came in white and almond. I was disappointed indeed. Walmart actually has a better selection. I'll be damned if I'm going to have almond colored blinds. That doesn't even begin to block out any light. I would take black if I could find it....I want those blinds to serve their purpose.....that being to allow me to hibernate until noon without even knowing the sun is up. On another note, I bought some multicolored bulbs to spice things up a bit (red, green, blue)....I tried them out and they suck. I tried them in the bathroom but the regular lights drowned out the color (there are 16 lights in the bathroom). I may put them in the ceiling fan that has blue neon, that might look cool. I also figured out how to work my floodlights on the back deck.....the sensor just wasn't turned on. They light the yard quite well and I think it would be possible to play horseshoes at night, or maybe volleyball. I did have a setback tonight. I had to change out my front doorknob because the lock is shitty. I measured it and searched Home Depot for locks. Everything I saw didn't say anything about the diameter of the doorknob. They actually all looked to be the same size, so I figure just grab one in a standard size. So, I go home and spend about 20 minutes trying to figure out how to get the current knob off. I finally realized that it assembled differently than the new one. It came off no problem after that. So, I spend about 10 minutes putting in the new doorknob. It came time for the moment of truth......connecting the two handles. That's when I found out that my new one was too big....by about 1/32nd to 1/16th of an inch. I mean, just barely didn't fit. It was enough to make it immpossible though. The only thing I could think to do was file it down some. Of course, I didn't have a file with me. So, that's on the agenda for tomorrow. Other than that, there isn't much left to do to make it livable. There is lots of small stuff, but that can be done over the course of several months. Anyway, that's where we're at now. I probably won't update again until next week due to being busy with projects.

Bob Villa wannabe signing off,
-J