Vacation, all I ever wanted...vacation, had to get away

Late entry:

I meant to make this post on Friday, but I got home late and ended up going out to eat. I'm on vacation for a week and it's just what the doctor ordered. This Saturday we went to Jade's folks house in Jonesburo, Arkansas. We got to drive 6 hours through hilly southern Missouri in the middle of fall....it was fantastic. Oh yeah, did I mention we drove 6 hours? That pretty much blew ass. I figured out why they called it Arkansas....it's just as flat and boring as Kansas. It was quite a shock to see how deep in the bible belt we got. About an hour or two into the journey we started seeing billboards guilt-tripping you into being pro-life. That, and there was an antique store/flea market and church every 10 feet. There were at least 5 churches in a town of 200. As for the antiques...what's up with that? There aren't that many tourists in that part of the country....so, I figure every person in town has owned the same antique at one point in time. There was a cool shop that sold lawn ornaments. I meant to stop on the way back and look for a garden gnome, but I must have missed it. There was also a confederate souvenier shop that I thought about stopping at...but I didn't have the balls. As for Arkansas, they had some pretty cool neighboorhoods. Jade's parents live in one right near a golf course and all the yards are filled with great aged trees. There is nothing more I hate than a lot with one or two very young trees. It's so barren. The problem with Jonesburo is that it's a dry county....yeah, how fucked up is that....completely dry, can't buy beer anywhere.....not even in most restaurants. Luckily, we went to a private club for dinner. Since they were a private club, they could serve alchohol. It was a sweet, artsy place with a kick-ass menu. On Sunday, her parents showed me around town and we went to a wildlife sanctuary/museum. The museum was pretty cool. They had an educational movie about the geological history of the area. The theatre was designed to be "multi-sensory". It was hokey, but fun at the same time. There were floodlights that simulated being underwater, sunsets, fire, etc. There was also several high power fans located in different directions to simulate wind. When it was raining a bit of mist would blow out over the audience. During the explanation of the 1812 earthquake, the seats actually rumbled. I thought it was pretty cool for such a small, state funded sanctuary. They also had a standard museum of missouri wildlife. They also had a kick ass nature trail that had an observatory that overlooked a canyon of sorts.....a cleaned up trash pit. I got some good pictures, but they are on this weird stuff called "film", so I will have to wait until I get a "photo cd" before I can post them. It was most impressive in real life, I hope the pictures turn out well. We came back today and I had to drive a u-haul truck full of furniture for 6 hours. I spent 90 bucks in gas alone on the trip back. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be....the truck was actually more comfortable than a car. It was liking sitting on my living room couch for 6 hours. Plus, kick ass scenery in partly cloudy skies for most of the journey. It was very relaxing. The good news is that Jade and I now have a completley new bedroom and dining room set. I'm glad to be home and am looking forward to coming up to kc on Wednesday night. By the way, these posts should have "drunk check"....I spent way too much time correcting my typing.

Laters-
-J

Instructions.....just in case

If this true, it's gotta be one of the craziest things I've ever heard. Especially the part about "not panicking".

This is true !! It details what to do if an anaconda attacks you.
Excerpt is from the US Government Peace Corps Manual for
volunteers working in the Amazon Jungle.

Related to the boa constrictor, the anaconda is the largest
snake species in the world. It grows to thirty-five feet in
length and weighs 300 to 400 pounds.

1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run. The
snake is faster than you are.

2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your
sides, your legs tight against one another.

3. Tuck your chin in.

4. The snake will begin to nudge and climb over your body.

5. Do not panic.

6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to
swallow you from the feet end - always from the feet end. Permit
the snake to swallow your feet and ankles. Do not panic!

7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its
body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.

8. When the snake has reached your knees, slowly and with
as little movement as possible, reach down, take your knife
and very gently slide it into the side of the snake's mouth
between the edge of its mouth and your leg, then suddenly
rip upwards, severing the snake's head.

9. Be sure you have your knife.

10. Be sure your knife is sharp.

Something to think about

I thought this was cool. It reminded me of word games from my childhood.


The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are truly a "professional". Scroll down for the answer. The questions are not that difficult.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is:
Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.
This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly
complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Wrong Answer :
Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the
refrigerator.

Correct Answer :
Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the
repercussions of your actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the
animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer :
The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory.

OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions,
correctly, you still have one more chance to show your
abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do
you manage it?

Correct Answer:
You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting!
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Andersen Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of
the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers. Andersen Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.

Don't eat acid with dogs.....just a reminder 

wow....just.....wow 

.....And now for a news update.....

Evening to all,

I had a good weekend this week. I wasn't on call for any of the weekend for the first time in about a month. It felt good to not do anything. I did have to go through some bullshit though. Power went out to half of my house last week. None of the breakers switched, so I called the power company. They said nothing was wrong with the lines and that I should call an electrician. So, I did. I set up an appointment for 6pm on Friday. When 6:15 rolls around and nobody is here, I call the company. Turns out that nobody entered it in the system and that nobody was coming. So, I go ahead and schedule it for 8:30 the next morning. The guy comes out and sure as shit.....there was a breaker that flipped. The messed up thing is that it didn't move to off....it still looked like it was on. He gave it a little push and power came on to all three of the rooms that were out. So, I felt like a retard......especially since I checked the damn breaker twice. Not only that, I got a 75 dollar minimum visit fee. I felt like telling him to just kick me in the nuts and we'll call it a day. Anyway the cool thing was that we went to the Violent Femmes show. It was great. I wasn't expecting much of a show since they are all in their mid forties...but they sounded just as good as on their albums. They also rocked out.....very energenic and very funny. They played a solid 2 hour set. For a couple of the songs they brought out trumpet players, clarinet players, and the lead singer played fiddle. They did a couple of bluegrass numbers that were better than a lot of their songs. The only problem was that I didn't get to hear the two songs I was really looking forward to: To the Kill, and Promise. Promise is probably my favorite song of theirs, that or Day after Day. So, I will post the lyrics to Promise instead for all to see. If you like the Femmes and haven't heard this one, check it out.

The Violent Femmes: Promise

Y'know that I want your loving
but my logic tells me that it aint never gonna happen
and then my defense'd say I did't want it anyway
but you know sometimes I'm a liar
could you ever want me to love you
could you ever want me to care
disregard my nervousness
please ignore my vacant stares
cause just what I've been thru
is nothing like where I'm going to
give me some sign to persue
a promise
and your unhappy
this is only a guess
do you know what it's like to hate
when it's way down deep inside
oh god I hate what's been done to my life
I could rule the pain
I could rule the night
or would I ruin my salvation
ruin my mind rules your pains
rulers of the night
ruin your salvation
ruin yor mind

The song is sung with a lot of passion, that's why I like it. I also like the clever lyrics. So, also this weekend we saw Broken Flowers. It was okay, not the greatest movie. I probably wouldn't watch it over and over. It's basically Bill Murray reprising the same character he's done in his last couple of movies, with just a little difference. I did see a really funny movie this weeked. It's called The Green Butchers. It's a Danish film with subtitles about 2 friends that open a butcher shop and end up selling human meat. It's funny as hell, in a quirky Europen way. It reminds me a little of Shawn of the Dead in that it is kinda a parody and doesn't take itself to seriously. I highly recommend it. Very odd indeed. On another subject, I don't know when I'll be commenting on anyone's blog again. For some reason, it keeps saying incorrect password. I was only able to log on and make this post.

Here's Magenta from the show in full Transexual regalia. This was the best costume of the show. I wish I had one of Riff in that outfit. 

This was us with Frank. There was a group that acted out the whole movie on stage. 

Here's a good one of Jade and I in our costumes. I would like to go again this year. Perhaps I'll muster the cahones to be Frank. Don't dream it....be it. 

Another pic from last year's show. I very well may have been slightly trashed at this point. My mistake.....I was completely smashed at this point. I think we had to have a friend of Jade's drive us home. Point of interest: the lovely mane of chest hair I'm sporting.