This is funny, be sure to pay attention to the bold type...I mean....WTF?!?

SEATTLE - A Seattle man died after engaging in anal sex with a horse at a farm suspected of being a gathering place for people seeking to have sex with livestock, police said Friday.

The horse involved in the incident was not harmed, and an autopsy of the unnamed man concluded that “the manner of death was accidental ... due to perforation of the colon,” a police spokesman said.

“The information that we have is that people would find this place via chat rooms on the Web,” said Sgt. John Urquhart of the King County Sheriff’s Department.

---

Although sex with animals is not illegal in Washington state, Urquhart said that investigators were looking into whether the farm, located in Enumclaw, 40 miles southeast of Seattle, allowed sex with smaller animals that resulted in animal cruelty, which is a crime.

“If you’re talking about sheep or goats, there could be some issues,” Urquhart said.

Copyright 2005 Reuters Limited. All rights reserved. Republication or redistribution of Reuters content is expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Reuters.

Callin' bullshit when I see it

Okay, I'm mad as hell and won't take it anymore! The bastards that stock the vending machine at work have hit upon a great idea to make money at the expense of their clientle. The cafeteria has 2 different areas for vending only 30 feet apart. The one in the actual cafeteria sells candy bars for 70 cents. The one outside the cafeteria sells them for 60 cents. They both carry similar candies. Needless to say, I use the cheaper one. So, I recently went to get candy and discovered a horrible change. Half of the rows that had good candy have been "upgraded" to king size, which cost $1.25. So, all that's left of 60 cent candy is crap that nobody wants to eat like Almond Joy and Payday. All of the good candy bars are only available in King Size for that ridiculous price....gas stations don't even charge that much. Not only that, but I got to thinking and figured out that a King Size bar is only 1/3 bigger than a regular bar, yet they are charging over 2 times the price! Highway robbery says I. Also, they are contributing to the fattening of America. Maybe someone wanted a candy bar in regular size but only has the option of getting it in King Size. Of course they are going to eat it all, even though they only wanted a regular size. So, this whole experience has caused me to eat less junk food at work....which is good. When I do want candy, I now go to the gift store. The prices are comparable, and at least there I get genuine human interaction.

Cheers

Jade and I would like to wish everyone a merry Christmas. May your individual gatherings be full of warmth, merriment, peace, and contentment. I wish I could be in KC to celebrate with a majority of you, but I can't. Know that all of you will be on my mind as we celebrate today.

-Jason

The tree is up, long live the tree! Bought an artificial one and spent 2 nights putting it up.....complete pain. Gotta go, B-day party to get to, more later. 

A bowling tree.....need I say more? 

This one's called Toobin' Santa. Notice the fine Hawian shirt and the tasty beverage. I thought this one was funny, so I bought it. A must have for the holiday season. 

You like me, you really really like me!

I was going to comment on this earlier. This week I passed the 2000 mark on my counter. I want to thank everyone that made this event possible, even if it took forever. Anyway, Jade wanted me to make a post about the joys of shopping and wrapping....so here goes.

Christmas shopping this year wasn't too bad. I did a blitzkrieg and got almost all of it done in one day. I was off work and went during the day, so the crowds weren't bad. I did manage to spend a boatload of money though. I even succumbed to the impulse buy....there was a guy at a kiosk at the mall that was taking pictures of people's eyes extremely close up. He had a bunch of sample pictures of people's eyes and they looked very cool. It was amazing the amount of variety in striations in different eyes. Some, like mine, have lots of squiggly lines (muscles) showing. Others, looked almost completely smooth...usually brown eyes. So, I talk to the vendor and he offers me a 8 by10 magnet picture of my eye for 10 bucks. Sold, I say! He gave me a free preview of what it would look like. Unfortunately, I had been drinking and smoking the night before and my eyes were extremely bloodshot. It looked like a river of veins. So, I take some clear eyes and go back later. I am now the proud owner of a photo of my eye on the fridge. MY EYE SEES ALL!!! I was surpised at the amount of brown I had in my eye.

So, shopping went fairly well. Wrapping, however, is a whole other story. I spent 4 hours wrapping presents and watching the Chiefs game on Sunday. I took my time and tried to make the presents look good. In the end, it still looks like an eight year old wrapped them. Next year I vow to only use gift bags. 30 minutes, no fuss...no muss. Also, I would like to give a big "Fuck you" to Mylar wrapping paper. That stuff is a bitch to work with.

More Chistmas stress: Jade and I are hosting our parents for the first time for Christmas. That means cooking a large meal for the first time ever. Neither one of us has cooked a turkey before, let alone make interesting side dishes. I think I'm going to get adventurous and cook Turtle Pie and maybe deviled eggs with bacon in them. My cousin makes them and they are insanely delicious. We also have to decide if we are going to get a tree. There are currently only two Christmas decorations at our place...a candle and a wreath. If we get a tree, that means we have to buy all the lights and ornaments to go with it. I also have to find a place to store it (we're getting tight on space). On one hand, we could go without...but that would make the holiday so drab.

Other news: I had a handyman come out last weekend and install new lights in both bathrooms, a vent fan in one bathroom, and a door for the bedroom. It didn't turn out looking as good as I had hoped. I hadn't figured for holes in the wall where the last lights hung. So, the new lights don't match up with the spacing of the old lights so there are open patches of old paint, old wallpaper, and holes in the drywall. It looks pretty shitty. I'll probably start repairing and repainting in January...just because I can't stand looking at it. It will eventually look kick ass though....because I have impeccable style. Other than that, I been spending a lot of time playing vegging and playing video games. Half Life 2 is engrossing my life. The story is great and the environment sucks you in. The physics engine is unbelievable as well, although the shot accuracy isn't the best on a console vs. a pc. That's all I have for now. I'll update in 6-8 weeks or so.

I figured Jade would appreciate this one. 

I always wondered why ball players wear cups....now I know. 

I thought Cassie would think this would be a kick-ass t-shirt. Whaddya think? 

All right, this picture is pretty graphic, but I thought it was funny as hell. I decided since heather posted the tattooed cock, I could post this one. 

KA-BLAM!

That's the sound of a car hitting another one. Namely, my car hitting the one in front of me. I was in a 4 car pile up tonight on the way home from work. 2 cars ahead of me somebody stopped suddenly. The car directly in front of me broke hard and didn't hit the car. I however, broke hard and just slid right into the ass of the car in front of me. The car behind me hit me pretty hard. The car behind that guy also hit us hard. The next car missed the wreck. We all pulled into the gas station. It turns out there must have been a spot of ice on the road, because my car and the 2 behind me all hit the brakes and slid rather than stopped. Even the all wheel drive car bringing up the rear. I didn't do any damage to the car in front of me, nor was my car damaged at all. The guy behind me however, got fucked up. His front and back end had bumper damage and the lights in front and back were broken and hanging from their sockets. He also had damage to his trunk. The last guy didn't have any damage either. We got each other's information and chalked it up to nobody's fault. I got a pretty good case of whiplash from getting hit twice. My neck and even my upper back are killing me. I'm glad nobody got seriously hurt and I'm also glad my car is uninjured. I just had to get a new tire last night due to a nail in the sidewall. Which brings me to a topic: What was your best car wreck? This one by far wasn't the worst, but it was interesting. Let me know. Winner gets a prize!!!

Prepping for the party

This is the band that a group of us are going to see tomorrow night. I've written about them before. Their live shows rock. Tomorrow is the cd release party. I'm such a geek, I'm going to the early show at the music store to get an early copy of their cd. Be sure to check out their website.....witchshat.net.



album opens up treasure chest of talent

By SETH ASHLEY of the Tribune’s staff

Published Thursday, December 1, 2005

Sometimes it’s hard for local musicians to be taken seriously. As they work to win fans and establish identities, Columbia’s bands might seem like mere novelties of local culture.

G.J. McCarthy photo

Flanked by band members Steve Doerhoff, left, and Michael Wilson, left and right, Witch’s Hat singer Greg Linde sings into a large cardboard cylinder as the group practices the song “WW VI” Sunday at Clark’s house. Linde found the cylinder during practice and decided to incorporate it into the song.

That might be particularly true when an act consists of lots of bare chests, pumping fists and rock anthems about dragon slayers, androgynous aliens and a time-traveling dinosaur called Rockasaurus.

But more than just superficial theatrics, Witch’s Hat is poised to become the real deal. And as band members celebrate the release of their debut album on Columbia’s Emergency Umbrella Records, they’re out to make it happen. Still, there are challenges.

"It’s hard getting people to take us seriously; we’re a little silly," singer Greg Linde said. "But there’s not much we can do. We just play music that’s interesting and shows that rock, and most people get it eventually."

Packed Witch’s Hat performances at Eastside Tavern and other local venues suggest people are already getting it. The band seems to play locally at least every two weeks, which is too often for most bands to sustain interest. But Witch’s Hat always brings a party and strives to make each show a little different by incorporating guest musicians, themed performances and hilarious cover songs.

G.J. McCarthy photo

Wilson, left, and Bert Clark run through the song, “Vapor Trails” as they rehearse at Clark’s house in Columbia.

"What we’re doing is entertainment," Linde said. "We just make it entertaining and make it a fun show. Even if people get to have a few giggles at our expense."

For Linde, music wasn’t always about entertainment. Before Witch’s Hat, he was just one among the ranks of singer-songwriters playing acoustic guitars and singing about clichéd revelations at open mic nights.

"I was doing boring stuff before," Linde said. "Now what I’m doing is really cool. You get to have fun and be weird."

Now Linde looks beyond himself for lyrical ideas, preferring to find inspiration in the realms of science fiction and fantasy.

"Those are things I know a lot about," he said, "so it’s easy subject matter for me to get to. Not whiny personal stuff."

While Linde writes most of the band’s lyrics, Steve Doerhoff generates most of the musical ideas and plays bass and keyboard. Michael Wilson, on guitar, and Bert Clark, on drums, complete the picture.

Drawing on a host of inspiration from metal to funk to progressive rock to video game music, the band’s compositions offer something for almost everyone, even if you’re not sure what to make of the music at first.

"I think there’s something in our music that you don’t get right away, and it takes awhile to figure it out," Doerhoff said. "Like a rusty treasure chest. No, a dusty treasure chest. You have to clean it off."

Indeed, it takes a few listens to fully comprehend what the band has set out to do with its new album. But "Mastery of the Steel," recorded at Columbia’s Red Boots Recording Studio, is a solid first effort. The production is a little thin, which is a bit unexpected for these epic works, and there are a few rough spots, but the point of this record is to document the band members as they are, without a lot of fancy embellishments or in-the-studio layering.

The record’s strength lies in its clever lyrics and detailed compositions, which are expertly arranged and demand a serious listen despite their superficial silliness. Standouts include "Popsicles," with its majestic horns; "Glodyany, 1972," the album’s closer; and "Space Baby," its first single.

The future looks bright for the Hat; it plans to start a radio promotional campaign and tour in the spring with Brooklyn, N.Y.-based Shäffer the Darklord, who it befriended this year at a pair of Eastside Tavern shows.

For now, Witch’s Hat will keep on entertaining its legions of local fans as it prepares to entice those beyond the state line with explosive antics that are both silly and serious.

"There shouldn’t be any reason why it gets boring," Linde said.