Here's my pride and joy....this is a Dali print that I randomly found one day. It's my favorite painting I own. It reminds me of dreaming. It's hard to tell from the picture, but there is a shitload of little details and objects in this picture. Some of the bigger objects are made up of several smaller objects, each different. 

Back by popular demand....Vaginas on the Wall #27 

I'm tired.......so damn tired.....

Evening,

I thought about not posting tonight because I am so damn tired of moving in that all I want to do is veg in front of the tv or be in the hot tub. The move went well this weekend. We ended up having 8 people help out and got done in under 2 hours of actual move time (we fucked around for a good bit during the move). After that, I cooked shish-kabob and cheesy garlic bread. We then proceeded to sit around and get shit-faced. Around midnight, most people did a ninja run on the golf course to look for a pond to jump in. I stayed behind because I was pretty tore up and didn't think I would be able to run if I had to. I was just about to go to bed and everyone came back. They found a nasty pond, but a good sprinkler to run through. By that point I had caught my third wind and ended up having another beer or two. Donny was looking pretty harsh, sitting there with his head in his hands. He was the first to go to bed after Jade. The rest of the weekend we spent unpacking and setting shit up. I finally now have cable and a working washing machine and dryer. Over the last week I've discovered that the plumbing is fucked up and needing repair (422 bucks), the washer/dryer wasn't set up well so I had to redo that. I have a light switch that gets extremely hot when on, a clogged gutter that causes shitloads of water to pour onto my deck in a rainstorm, and the air conditioner doesn't keep the upstairs cool on a 100 degree day. Needless to say I have a lot of work ahead of me. We still haven't put up the art yet. One good thing is that I 've already got great use out of my grill. I've cooked out almost every other night. Tonight it was taco seasoned chicken mexican pizza on fried torillas with veggies. It was moderately rightous for a spur of the moment dish. On that note, I think I'll retire for a smoke and let dinner digest. Later gators.

-J

Bitch, no you did'nt.  

Theory: Home Depot is another universe

Evening y'all,

Good news...I closed on my house yesterday. It ended up costing less than I expected, so that was nice. Jade and I spent most of yesterday afternoon and night cleaning like crazy. Most of the basics got done: fridge, sinks, toilets, killing wasps, and hot tub. I came home and felt extremely strange. I felt like I was out of my head, yet had a massive headache. I think I breathed waaaaaay to much cleaning fumes. Which brings us to today. Today was my first trip to Home Depot...probably one of many to come. That place exists in another dimension. The automatic doors are a wormhole. It's the only way I can explain the size of that place, I'm positive that it has more square footage than the surface of the Earth. Therefore, it is another world in an alternate dimension. I was completely lost in there. Even the signs didn't help much. I searched about 4-5 rows of lamps and lights before I found the lightbulbs. We bought some basics: lightbulbs, garden hose, ladder, doorknob, universal remote for garage, closet clothesline, and some other stuff. I could see how it would be easy to spend thousands of dollars in that place, it has it all. Everything except mini-blinds it seems. I expected to see a lot of variety. Well, they had variety, but it was all custom to order. The only blinds they had that were standard came in white and almond. I was disappointed indeed. Walmart actually has a better selection. I'll be damned if I'm going to have almond colored blinds. That doesn't even begin to block out any light. I would take black if I could find it....I want those blinds to serve their purpose.....that being to allow me to hibernate until noon without even knowing the sun is up. On another note, I bought some multicolored bulbs to spice things up a bit (red, green, blue)....I tried them out and they suck. I tried them in the bathroom but the regular lights drowned out the color (there are 16 lights in the bathroom). I may put them in the ceiling fan that has blue neon, that might look cool. I also figured out how to work my floodlights on the back deck.....the sensor just wasn't turned on. They light the yard quite well and I think it would be possible to play horseshoes at night, or maybe volleyball. I did have a setback tonight. I had to change out my front doorknob because the lock is shitty. I measured it and searched Home Depot for locks. Everything I saw didn't say anything about the diameter of the doorknob. They actually all looked to be the same size, so I figure just grab one in a standard size. So, I go home and spend about 20 minutes trying to figure out how to get the current knob off. I finally realized that it assembled differently than the new one. It came off no problem after that. So, I spend about 10 minutes putting in the new doorknob. It came time for the moment of truth......connecting the two handles. That's when I found out that my new one was too big....by about 1/32nd to 1/16th of an inch. I mean, just barely didn't fit. It was enough to make it immpossible though. The only thing I could think to do was file it down some. Of course, I didn't have a file with me. So, that's on the agenda for tomorrow. Other than that, there isn't much left to do to make it livable. There is lots of small stuff, but that can be done over the course of several months. Anyway, that's where we're at now. I probably won't update again until next week due to being busy with projects.

Bob Villa wannabe signing off,
-J

Ancillary Post

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I've been playing GTA San Andreas on the xbox. It's a lot more involved than GTA 3, which is the last one I played. You have to eat, work out, get tatoos, get clothes. It's set in 1992 in LA. The radio stations in the the cars all have music from that time period. I've been performing drive-by's while listening to Bell Biv Devoe, Faith no More, STP, and Living Colour. How very sweet it is.

-J

The best local bar you'll never see and the best local band you'll never hear

Greetings and Salutations,

I had a pretty good weekend and I wanted to tell you all about something very cool. Friday night we went to the Cherry Street Artisan...it's a coffee house that has live music, food, beer, and of course coffee. It's a very relaxed atmosphere, with people studying, working on computers, and hanging out. The place has lots of oversized leather couches that are perfect for lounging. The best part about it though is the smell.....it smells like really good coffee and cheesecake and cinammon. I could live in a place that smells like that. We saw a folksinger that had some very clever lyrics. Overall, the place is okay. However, the bar we went to Saturday night blows that one out of the water as far as my tastes are concerned. It's called East Side Tavern, and it is the diviest of dives. It's billed as a rock n roll sci-fi bar. On the door they have a painting of Frankenstien and a cardboard cutout of Darth Vader. Inside, it's dark and tiny....with all sorts of horror and sci-fi memorablia. They have a whole shelf with dolls of Ash from Evil Dead, Leatherface, Pinhead, Chucky, the Hulk, the Alien, the Crypt Keeper, etc. Also, they have skeletons and skulls everywhere.....it's like a haunted house in there. There are also posters of cool punk and metal acts and also posters from horror and sci-fi movies. It is now officially my favorite bar in Columbia. It's also such a hole in the wall that I'm sure it is overlooked by a lot of people. Therefore it's the best bar you will probably never see. So, Jade and I go there to see a battle of the bands show. The guy taking cover charges looks exactly like the fat goth guy from Butterfly Effect. We walk in and to the right is a very, very tiny stage which is currently being used by a band that can only be described as Pantera cranked up to 11. I mean this shit is loud, fast, and screaming. On the left is the "ghoul cheerleading squad", basically a bunch of chicks dressed like a cross between the cheerleaders in the video for "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and dead catholic school girls. There are about 5 of them with white face paint, black eyes, and blood smeared all over their bodies. They even had pom-poms. We grab a drink and proceed to watch the band go ballistic. I was sure the lead singer was going to rupture his vocal chords by screaming. During one number there were two singers. One ran out in the crowd, climbed on a chair, and proceeded to take big swigs of water and then spit it straight up in the air. He then proceeded to drench the crowd. When he was out of water, he threw the bottle into the crowd. After that, the other singer comes out slam-dancing his way through the crowd, screaming into the mike the whole time. It was rather intense, but it got me energized. I was glad when they were done though, because my eardrums couldn't take much more punishment. Which brings me to the second band....the best local band you'll probably never hear. They are called Witch's Hat and I've seen them 3 times now. Aaron was with me the first time, at the Blue Note for Badfish. They were the opening act. I then saw them again at the Blue Note for the filming of a documentary about Columbia's music scene. That night there were about 7 bands and there was one metal band called Slugtrail. The bassist turned out to be the bartender at the East Side Tavern. So, that was my first "celebrity" encounter. So, onto Witch's Hat. They are amazing for a local band. It's a four piece ensamble, with the bassist playing bass and keyboards. They are a highly animated band. The lead singer has a good voice. He reminds me of a cross between Jack Black and Ian Anderson in his stage antics. The drummer was wearing a mexican wrestling mask, and then stripped to his underwear. Musically, they are pretty tight. Their sound is kind of poppy and energenic.......with a good dose of Jethro Tull thrown in. It's actually pretty hard for me to categorize because I haven't heard anything quite like it before. I would say it is most reminicent of late 70's Jethro Tull without the flute. Think Songs from the Woods and Crest of a Knave, but with a little heavier beat. Their lyrics and songs were absolutely kick ass and very odd. One is about a knight out to slay a dragon, another is about world war 6....yes 6. Another is about androids. During the android song the singer ends it by singing in binary (literally speaks 10101110011 for about 30 seconds). They also did a country song. The music is interesting as it melds keyboard with rock like an early 80's band. The band has choreographed moves that match the music and the lead singer is just a freak. Like I said...very reminescent of Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull. He flails about during the whole performance. Of all the bands I've seen in Columbia...this is by far the best. Unfortunately, their sound and lyrics aren't really mainstream and I doubt they ever hit it big.....even though they deserve it. I had actually seen the lead singer working his day job. He was sweeping up at closing time at a fruit drink store.....not exactly the glamorous life. Saturday night I introduced myself to him. We talked briefly about music as I had read an article in a local paper about him and he and I have similar tastes. I also asked him when would an album be out. He said it will be on Umbrella records and will be out in the fall. In the meantime, he directed me to their website...witchshat.net. It has a couple of downloadable songs. I highly recommend you check it out, I have a link to it on the blog. It looks like it hasn't been updated in awhile. Also, keep in mind that the songs were recorded shortly after the band formed and are very unpolished. I can tell by their live show that they have improved greatly in vocal and musical ability. I now consider myself a fan and plan to see them as often as possible. Actually, they are playing the East Side Tavern again on Tuesday and I might just go. The next band was pretty good as well. I have seen them twice, but can't remember the name. They dress up in early 80's ties and suits. The lead singer is almost a midget and the bassist is a girl that dressed up in a 80's woman's suit. Their sound is kinda like Weezer. I thought they were pretty good, but no Witch's Hat. We didn't stick around for the last band. Columbia is a great place to hear live music. Most shows are in the 5-10 dollar range and many are free. On another note, Robert Earl Keen is coming to the Blue Note in September, tickets are on sale now......so let me know if ya wanna go. In conclusion, it was a very relaxing weekend. I have a 3 day weekend as I close on the house tomorrow. Today I've been sitting around doing jack squat....and am very happy about that. Hope you all have a good week. Congrats to Aaron and his tennis team. Let me know when the Iowa trip is, maybe I could go.

Enjoying life for a change,
-J

The sytem has failed....big time

Okay, now I have something to write about....I'm really fucking pissed over this one. I'm sure you've heard about the family murdered in Idaho and the man that allegedly kidnapped the little girl and boy. Now, granted, all the facts aren't in and the man is assumed innocent until proven guilty....but if he is guilty, we have nothing but our fucked up system of justice to blame. Here are some excerpts from a MSN article about the man's past behavior.

Idaho kidnapping suspect Joseph Edward Duncan III committed his first act of sexual assault 30 years ago, preying on a 5-year-old boy when he was just 12,

Duncan’s records reveal a history of inflicting violence and sexual torture upon others, particularly young boys, with his crimes escalating in their seriousness. His past shows a series of failed treatments and refusal to comply with therapists and law enforcement officials who tried to correct his behavior, which mental health evaluators diagnosed in 1980 as consistent with an antisocial personality and a sexual deviant, the Seattle Times reported.

by the time he was 16, Duncan estimated he had raped 13 younger boys, some at gunpoint, it said.

His hostility led him to sexually assault a 9-year-old boy at gunpoint when he was 15, and a year later, to tie up six young boys and sexually assault them, the newspaper said.

Duncan was deemed a sexual psychopath at 17, after he was arrested for the rape and torture of a 14-year-old boy in 1980. Police said Duncan broke into a neighbor’s house, stole a gun, and then pulled it on the boy, who was walking to school.

Duncan forced him into a wooded area and made the boy take off his clothes and perform a sexual act, according to court documents. Duncan then prodded the boy further into the woods, sexually assaulted him again, and then beat the boy’s buttocks with a stick and burned him with a cigarette. He led the boy back to his clothes and told him to run away.

As an alternative to prison, Duncan underwent treatment at the Sex Offender Program and Western State Hospital in Washington state, where he lived during his teenage years. Twenty-two months later, he was kicked out of the program for sneaking off the campus and having rape fantasies, the Times said. A judge then reinstated his 20-year prison sentence in March 1982 and Duncan served 14 years in prison.

Duncan's next encounter with the law came in April, when he was released on $15,000 bail after being charged with molesting a boy in Minnesota. Police in Fargo, where his last-known address was, had been looking for Duncan since May, when he failed to check in with a probation agent.

Okay.....does anybody else see anything wrong with this scenario? Clearly this is one fucked up dude. I can't believe that after molesting all those people they let him in a "program" rather than hard time in jail. Also.....THEY LET THE FUCKER OUT!!!!!! And guess what? Gee, I can't hardly imagine what happened next.... THE FUCKER DOES IT AGAIN!!! Now, here's the kicker......with a record like that, you would think it would be back in the Hoosegow for him, but no....they let him out ON BAIL!!! And now, looks like he's up to his old antics. That fucker should have been in prison for life, there's no changing someone that messed up. Actually, they should have cut off his twig and berries years ago. So, let's see.....molest children repeatedly, okay we'll let you off on that one. Smoke weed.....you are a detriment to society and should be locked up you filthy filthy criminal. God bless the justice system, maybe someday they'll pull their heads out of their asses for a change.

Sick of it all,
-J

Writer's block

What to write, what to write? I've had a realitively ok couple of weeks at work. Mostly I'm just tired of seeing Mid-Missourians....it's uncanny how many mutants there are here. Too many people got drunk and dived head first into the shallow end of the gene pool. Good news is that we are getting another person to do call every other weekend, which will free up a lot more of my time for trips to KC, camping, and having people visit in Columbia. I close on my house on Monday. Will start moving in slowly and cleaning over the next few weeks. The big move is on the 23rd. It will be easy and will be more of a party weekend. Speaking of party, for the 4th I went to a friend's mother's house. They had a huge spread a little out of town. They had a full volleyball court, horseshoes, washers, a pool, and poker. I hussled some old ladies out of their pension money. 5 dollar buy in and I more than tripled my money. Poor Jade couldn't get a good hand to save her life. She ended up buying in twice more. Other than that, I haven't been doing much of anything....and am getting quite bored of it. I've got over 100 hours of vacation built up (some of it sick time unfortunately....pretty much unusable). So, start giving me ideas for vacation. Hopefully there will be a cabin trip this summer, also....I need to go canoeing. Also, in the fall I would be up for a real vacation somewhere out of Missouri. Any ideas? Let me know., That's all for now.
-J